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Post by Zoomer on Oct 5, 2008 1:18:56 GMT -4
I am an outcast at school....I appear immature, and silly, and it's like I'm a different person. Out of school, my other self basically yells at the other for being so stupid (No, I'm not Schizophrenic....I mean it figuratively). The way I feel most of the time can only be describled as an empty space within me. It's like this: I feel a sort of loneliness, like I don't belong anywhere, and it's like a part of me is missing. However, it's nothing specific I can place, like something you can only barely see out of the corner of your eye, but if you try to look at it, it's gone. I'm beginning to wonder if I should get professional help. Also, despite the fact that I'm a christian (not hardcore or anything like that...mostly through the rest of my family), it doesn't seem to help anything, and I have serious doubts about the truthfulness of most aspects of it. It's like everything I've ever known has been put into a blender, mashed together, and different pieces have been poured into seperate glasses to be examined or something, and all my emotions have been put on one of those spinning things where you stick to the wall at carnivals. Just good to get that off my chest. Nobody has to respond, but feel free if you want to. (Thank god the internet's anonymous...my RL friends would think I'm crazy. and/or XD )
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Post by Jakob on Oct 5, 2008 2:38:12 GMT -4
I feel the same way as you from time to time, so I'll just go with my suggestions:
-Get some kind of application, like Flash, Photoshop, or something like those. With those, you can create stuff that you have on your mind.
-If you don't have things like that, then just take this "outcast" stuff as something not negative. Take it as if you're a very unique person. Just buck up, keep rolling. If there's a drama group, try to fit in with them.
-Time heals everything, no exceptions.
-----
Trust me, you're not a Schizophrenic. Those with Schizophrenia actually see beings that don't actually exist. There's this one movie called "A Beautiful Mind". A single college student is alone in his room, but throughout his entire stay at said college, he thinks that he actually has a roomate. The audience doesn't even know it until half-way through the movie.
But yeah, trust me. Split-personalities is not Schizophrenia. The thing about you is that you have such good self-control that you suppress your anger out of public view. Most likely out of fear that whatever anger you dish out gets retribution in the form of DTs, ISS, and probably even expulsion.
That's my guess anyway. Take it as you will. If it actually is that, then here's a recommendation from a dude that knows the feeling:
-Beat the crap out of your pillow, or create something out of your mind.
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Post by tachyon on Oct 5, 2008 8:11:50 GMT -4
Time heals everything, no exceptions. Except for a rash, that's best delt with with an ointment.
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Post by Zero on Oct 5, 2008 12:58:14 GMT -4
Zoomer, it must be tough to be so young and to have such burdens.
You may be over compensating when you act out at school. The desire to belong can have a powerful influence on us. Fortunately, we also have to power to overcome it. Seek out those who are like you and do not try to be what you are not. Your life hasn't really started yet. If you can look to the future seriously and deep into yourself and see what you can become, you perspective will clear and you will find clarity.
The Christian way does not require that you follow blindly. St. Paul encouraged the early Christians to keep looking to the scriptures to prove to themselves individually that what they were learning was true. You're not a Christian just because you born into it. You have to make the truth your own.
Right now, you're letting fear of judgment prevent you from seeking help from those closest to you. Do NOT make that mistake. My brother fell to such thinking and doomed himself to a life of anger, sadness, and eternal uncertainty.
Trust those closest to you. It is better than telling strangers after all. At first it may seem unpleasant, but it is only temporary, and you'll be much happier.
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Post by Zoomer on Oct 5, 2008 13:16:39 GMT -4
Thanks guys. I actually feel a lot better...though I've never been a good artist. Nice to know there are people who know what I'm going through to some extent. I'll see what works out of the suggestions (not saying any are bad, or anything....just that not all might apply to me). Z, thank you for your words of wisdom. I was not looking at anything the right way. I have reevaluated my beliefs regarding religion, and have found that what you say holds a lot of truth. Regarding the multi-personality thing....I might just have it, though the school psychologist has actually said I probably have ADD/ADHD, depression, or both, but she wants me to see a psychiatrist to make sure (I never knew what the difference was....). I actually live with my grandparents, so there's more of a generation gap there, which makes it just a little harder to open up to them, and my sister is at the age where she will turn everything I say into an insult, despite how serious I am about stuff....I will try, however, to tell them about this stuff. It will be better for all parties involved to know what's going on with me. Also, what I feel is not always anger, but more like sadness. Anyway, I'll roll with what you guys said, and thanks again! (These are the best forums EVER.)
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Post by Zero on Oct 5, 2008 13:19:53 GMT -4
You're welcome.
And art isn't limited to a paper and pencil. Writing and photographer are also considered arts.
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Post by Zoomer on Oct 5, 2008 13:34:06 GMT -4
Yeah, I was just thinking the other day that I should get a good digital camera, as I do like taking pictures of nature, and overall surroundings from different angles. So far I've only been using my stupid 2-megapixel cellphone camera, and the real camera we have isn't all that good. (Any suggestions for a good/cheap 10-12 megapixel?) I've explored writing, and it does help me feel a bit better...lets me get my feeling out and just vent, or to let my imagination just go wherever it wants. Man, you guys are awesome! Thanks again!
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Post by Zero on Oct 5, 2008 13:50:12 GMT -4
I use to write poems to convey my feelings and my resolve. I'm not one stay down when struck.
You can shop around at Best Buy or Circuit City for a good cheap camera. Ninitendo will be releasing the DSi , and it's gonna have a digital camera built into it.
If you had ADD or ADHD you wouldn't really be hanging out here for an extended time. Pills should only be a last resort(I personally would avoid it at all costs). A good person to talk to about that is White Lightning. She has Asperger Syndrome which is like ADD, but less severe. It's a good bet you don't have ADD.
If you have schizophrenia, you should be hearing voices and having random feelings of paranoia, or massive mood swings. Schizo runs in my family. My grandmother had it and died from it. My aunt just recently suffered her first episode. We were looking all over the city for her.
Zoomer, I have a feeling we are gonna know each other for a long time...
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Post by Zoomer on Oct 5, 2008 14:30:49 GMT -4
I said I wasn't schizo, and I didn't mean to imply it. It just feels like I there are different people in my head who take control at different times. Also, it's more likely I have some type of depression....possibly clinical (chemical) depression. I probably would have known by now if I had ADD/ADHD. You guys have actually been a big help (despite it only being a day). I know there are people out there who understand me and what I'm going through now. Thanks for all the help, guys, and glad to have you back, Z (even though I had only messaged with you once before ).
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Post by Machaeus on Oct 11, 2008 17:55:51 GMT -4
Wow...uh...that's, like, me in a nutshell lately.
Sorry I haven't been on here lately, had a lot on my mind and plate. It's a shame, though - I get a +3 morale bonus to Craft (Good Days) checks when I come here. (me = D&D fanatic)
Regardless, I will take some of this advice to heart, 'cuz I know (as Zoomer has discovered) that this here's good peoples. I really should come here more often...ah well.
As some here already know, I'm an Aspie (meaning I have Aspergers)...but I don't recall WL talking about her own case with it. One more reason to consider her a pal, a bro- er, sister in arms...and I'm just droning on now so I'll shut up.
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Post by Power9x on Oct 12, 2008 15:28:56 GMT -4
Uh, just to note, even though alot of people have both, AS and ADD are completely different. AS is related to Autism, and ADD is completely on it's own with ADHD.
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Post by Zoomer on Aug 1, 2009 1:58:56 GMT -4
Ooh! Ooh! Guess what!
Things are better now, but I just read through a psychologist's report from last year that says I have depression, don't react well to change, and have slow processing skills (like math).
It's not all bad news, though. I have an overall IQ of 123 (in the 94th percentile), and am especially fluent with words and verbal skills.
Also, my teachers called me 'socially different.' Hooray for being weird! XD
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Post by Jessie Winkler on Aug 1, 2009 3:01:15 GMT -4
Heh, you sound a lot like me. Except for the depression. I have MAJOR mood swings instead, like "Hostile Makeover" mood swings. A good person to talk to about that is White Lightning. She has Asperger Syndrome which is like ADD, but less severe. It's a good bet you don't have ADD. Don't you mean ASD (Autistic Spectrum Disorder)? Asperger's is on the autistic spectrum, and deals with social interaction. ADD is Attention Deficit Disorder, which is like it sounds, people who have trouble paying attention.
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Post by White Lightning on Aug 1, 2009 11:43:36 GMT -4
Ooh! Ooh! Guess what! Things are better now, but I just read through a psychologist's report from last year that says I have depression, don't react well to change, and have slow processing skills (like math). It's not all bad news, though. I have an overall IQ of 123 (in the 94th percentile), and am especially fluent with words and verbal skills. Also, my teachers called me 'socially different.' Hooray for being weird! XD Seems like you and me are the same in that regard. Reacting diffrent to change, slow prossesing skills in math, and have depression. But look at me. I take good to art forms such as drawing, writing, photography and others. Sounds like you do have Asperger's, thats not an overall bad thing. Look at Macheaus. Hes a very nice and creative person with a huge imagenation. It just means that we have some complications to things like mathimatics, but are strong in other feilds. Being "socially diffrent" just means you're not like everyone else, but thats a good thing. Who wants to be like the other kids we see in the malls that hang out with the bad crowds? EDIT: When it comes to depression, I use and take Zoloft, an antidepressant. But sometimes things that can cure it make it worse. Also another thing to note is the fact that even if we do take pills to cure our depression, we still have our bad days. I have days where I feel on top of the world, others I wanna curl up in a corner and cry all day. Like Z said, only use them as a last resort. It can be mentaly controlled without medication. You just have to set your mind to it and go with it.
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Post by Zoomer on Aug 1, 2009 17:37:45 GMT -4
Thing is, I haven't been diagnosed by a doctor, and thus don't take pills.
I dwell on deep philosophical subjects, which usually just makes me sad by the end of it, though.
I'm not good with art, but love technology (such as building computers and hacking my wii).
Overall, life is good.....though I had a minor episode yesterday where I panicked over the question of what happens when we die. XD
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