Post by ryota on Feb 14, 2008 0:01:49 GMT -4
Look, what am I supposed to do now? I'm caught in yet another conflict. It seems the only thing I'm capable of creating is more and more hostility here. And yet I still feel like I belong. What the hell is wrong with me?
Who's to blame for wanting to fit in amongst peers who happen to like the same show? Me. Who's to blame for creating so much conflict and turmoil? Partly me. It's not all my fault, so shut up. You can't blame me for absolutely everything, and if you do, that shows that you have no regards for the feelings or thoughts of others, or the actual truth. Moving on, who's to blame for only trying to make amends with an unforgiving audience? Me. What am I supposed to DO? How am I supposed to feel accepted where I'm clearly not welcome anymore? Why do I still want to stay? That's what I want to know. Maybe it's a feeling of hope in the entire underlying theme of the site. Maybe it's just ignorance. I don't know, but it's there. But right now it's probably just the false hope of ever being forgiven for anything I've done.
Face it. I'm a horrible person. A despicable lowlife not deserving to be in the presence of others. But for some reason, I don't wanna go. When the day comes that I finally grow up and move on for more adult things, then I'll leave. But right now I'm not ready, and I don't plan on leaving. But if you won't forgive me or do anything of the sort, then there's no point. Everything I try to do is negated at every possible turn. I am criticized harshly, I am beaten down when I try to get back up, and I won't take it anymore. Answer me, dammit. Answer me on what's going to happen. What do I DO?
Who's to blame for wanting to fit in amongst peers who happen to like the same show? Me. Who's to blame for creating so much conflict and turmoil? Partly me. It's not all my fault, so shut up. You can't blame me for absolutely everything, and if you do, that shows that you have no regards for the feelings or thoughts of others, or the actual truth. Moving on, who's to blame for only trying to make amends with an unforgiving audience? Me. What am I supposed to DO? How am I supposed to feel accepted where I'm clearly not welcome anymore? Why do I still want to stay? That's what I want to know. Maybe it's a feeling of hope in the entire underlying theme of the site. Maybe it's just ignorance. I don't know, but it's there. But right now it's probably just the false hope of ever being forgiven for anything I've done.
Face it. I'm a horrible person. A despicable lowlife not deserving to be in the presence of others. But for some reason, I don't wanna go. When the day comes that I finally grow up and move on for more adult things, then I'll leave. But right now I'm not ready, and I don't plan on leaving. But if you won't forgive me or do anything of the sort, then there's no point. Everything I try to do is negated at every possible turn. I am criticized harshly, I am beaten down when I try to get back up, and I won't take it anymore. Answer me, dammit. Answer me on what's going to happen. What do I DO?