Zero
Prime
All things are possible...
Posts: 3,921
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Post by Zero on Dec 20, 2009 0:29:40 GMT -4
:(I'm in a deep depression.
A lot has happened in the last few years. It kinda crept up on me. I was in denial for a while, thinking I could just shake it off. Unfortunately, life doesn't cut breaks like that.
I refused to take pills, as the problems are circumstantial, not mental. Still, I need help. The issues are starting to have a bad effect on me in a very visible way.
This is not something anyone should do alone, nor should they avoid people. I'm going to fight this, and I'm gonna have the help of my parents and some friends.
Several factors led to the depression. Maybe I'll share them over time as I deal with them.
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Post by Jessie Winkler on Dec 20, 2009 0:43:39 GMT -4
Oh my gosh. Have you gone to see a psychiatrist?
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Zero
Prime
All things are possible...
Posts: 3,921
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Post by Zero on Dec 20, 2009 2:03:31 GMT -4
No, a psychologist. I was very specific. Ironically, I had done enough personal research to know the difference. My mother questioned if I should take pills, I snapped "no". My problems are not in my head. They're very real stresses of life and they're just taking their toll.
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Post by Jessie Winkler on Dec 20, 2009 12:16:40 GMT -4
Pills can do more than you think. I take medication, and I feel a lot better after I take them.
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Post by White Lightning on Dec 20, 2009 12:38:06 GMT -4
Even if you take Zoloft, you'll still have moments, but in the long run, you'll feel a lot better. Trust me. But I must warn you, diffrent pills have diffrent effects on people. It may not work, it may make things worse, or it may cure it. The only thing I can tell you Z, is to keep on holding on. Don't let stress take you under at all. Fight it with all you got and look on the positive side of things. Remember...lifes like a jump rope. It has its ups and downs, but in the downs, you gotta be strong and keep on trying. EDIT: Here, these'll help. Life may thow you a few punches that knock you on your ass, and you may get so depressed that you sob untill you can't breathe, but remember one thing. No matter what there is a light always at the end of every tunnel, no matter how long and dark they may seem. I have been kicked on my face, and been kicked while down a lot more than once before. But, I slowly shake it off, summon my strenghth, and stand right back up ready for another round. Another thing I can tell you to do is rely on the comfort, support and advice from all of those closer to you. If you ask me, those who refuse to get back up and take it agian are weaklings. Those who choose to lay there in thier own filth doing nothing. www.youtube.com/watch?v=-N0yB24M7VMwww.youtube.com/watch?v=g7eyqCQYBGYwww.youtube.com/watch?v=JwC1Ctrj6Xk
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Terminator
Resident
Just came from Chernobyl...
Posts: 206
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Post by Terminator on Dec 20, 2009 20:07:22 GMT -4
Jessie got a point. Pills can help.
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Post by Blacksky01 on Dec 22, 2009 1:24:55 GMT -4
Even though pills can help, they can't cure depression, since this state his bought by (like Zero said himself) a lot of factors.
To Zero: I'm glad you searched for help and chose to talk about it. I also hope you'll get better.
Even though it's a overused line, the "don't worry, be happy" motto can be a nice one to adopt =during hard times.
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Zero
Prime
All things are possible...
Posts: 3,921
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Post by Zero on Dec 23, 2009 19:01:48 GMT -4
I know what pills can do, good or bad. Thing is, I don't want a crutch. I'm trying to refortify my mind here, and I can't do that with a crutch. It's just me. I just can't see myself dependent on a pill.
Thank you for your concern.
I have been feeling guilty for not keeping up with my story, and my tolerance for know-it-alls is at an end.
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Zero
Prime
All things are possible...
Posts: 3,921
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Post by Zero on Dec 27, 2009 21:45:18 GMT -4
I'm starting to mellow out. It really was mental.
What had happened was that I tried to change my personality, drastically. I was looking to appeal to certain group of people, but when I didn't succeed in doing so, I crashed. Then I tried to salvage my failure and just did more damage to myself. I tried to do it alone, on my own strength.
It's like striving for nothing. I was overtaken by guilt and began to slip into a state of self-hatred.
I need to literally rebuild my self esteem.
Of course this is something I cannot do alone. I know you guys believe in me, and that helps, so thank you.
I promise, I'm going to beat this depression, and I'll do it without drugs. That is the goal I'm setting.
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Post by Zoomer on Dec 28, 2009 3:33:52 GMT -4
You always hear the cliche line about being yourself everywhere, and we all think it's cheesy, until we come to a situation like this.
Thanks for sharing your situation with us. I know it can be hard sometimes to deal with stuff like that.
Just remember that if you can't be accepted by people for being who you are, then are they really worth being around?
Or was it more of just being able to better[/b] get along with said group?
Anyway, maybe none of that really applies, but I hope it all turns out for the best.
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Post by White Lightning on Dec 28, 2009 11:05:15 GMT -4
You can do it Z. We're all here for you. And please, don't change. For anyone. If they don't accept you for who you are or even what you're trying to be, then what good are they?
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Zero
Prime
All things are possible...
Posts: 3,921
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Post by Zero on Dec 28, 2009 12:00:10 GMT -4
It's strange to describe. There was no tension among us, but I'm a solitary person. I just felt a need to change that. I felt perhaps I was giving the wrong impression. It wasn't about acceptance, it was about understanding. And it wasn't that I was rejected. The problem was that I wasn't being myself. I acted contrary to my true nature, and it hurt. Change is good, but it should be radical. Gotta take baby steps.
All that's only one of the issues I'm dealing with.
Another is how I view and deal with my friends. There's a lot of immaturity. I often find myself being the voice of reason among them. And I make a practice of having empathy.
However, when not controlled, too much empathy can disrupt your own identity. I use to see good and bad as easy as black and white. But because I tried too hard to see things as others do, my own view became blurred. So now I also need to reestablish my core values, and be more assertive.
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Post by Jakob on Dec 29, 2009 6:10:33 GMT -4
I really have nothing to say, but I couldn't help but notice that the "A Friend's House" section clocked at 666 posts.
I'm posting here to get rid of the reference, despite not believing in the unlucky/lucky tripe.
As for the actual situation... Well, I've got nothing to say, really. I suffered from depression a few years back, and since then, I've gotten the confirmed ideal in my mind that moping about, being depressed is a waste of time.
Just saying.
... Wait, I DID have something to say after all. Cool!
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Zero
Prime
All things are possible...
Posts: 3,921
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Post by Zero on Jan 10, 2010 19:19:56 GMT -4
Update.
I'm still in a depressive state and have completely shut down as far as my creative works go. A lack of control over my life has been a factor in my depression. I spent a lot of time trying to please others often at the cost of my personal values. My selflessness was commendable, but too far extreme. I lack real assertiveness. So now I've begun slowly taking back control over my life. I've decided to go back to school and pursue my love for creativity. I haven't really figured which outlet I can use, but I'll be talking to a college counselor this week. I got screwed at work. One of the managers passed me over for training, instead promoting his friend whom was just recently hired. I've been on the job for 3 years. I thought about quitting, but the job still has some use to me financially. Maybe in 6 months time. You could say I've pretty much checked out at work too.
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Post by Jessie Winkler on Jan 11, 2010 0:21:05 GMT -4
Well, I think you're doing the right thing here by telling us. Even online, having people that support you can help. How often have you been seeing someone about this?
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