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Post by drewmaster on Feb 13, 2011 6:50:13 GMT -4
This is a fanfic I wrote a while ago, like three years or so ago now to be more precise. You can find it here - www.fanfiction.net/s/5455171/1/bFrail_b_bHumanity_bThe story is already completed. Be warned, there is some profanity. I'm just letting you know ahead of time.
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Post by sirtophat on Feb 13, 2011 11:06:44 GMT -4
Very well made. Spoilers ahead for anyone who hasn't read them. I think I remember this towards Jenny ending up with Sheldon, that would be great. If I had to make a criticism, there are a few consistent spelling mistakes like quite/quiet, but not enough to really matter. Also it seemed like a bit of an asspull [ tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Asspull ] when it turned out that one girl had put bus in all of the XJs. That wasn't too bad though, just minor. I also thought it was great how that one Krust Cousin finally got what was coming to her. The last fight was very well executed also. A lot of tension in it -- wasn't sure if Jenny or the other XJs were going to make it or not. Overall 10/10 from me.
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Post by kaseykockroach on Feb 13, 2011 15:48:31 GMT -4
45 chapters... Someone has a lot of time on their hands. =S
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Post by drewmaster on Feb 14, 2011 8:17:14 GMT -4
Very well made. Spoilers ahead for anyone who hasn't read them. I think I remember this towards Jenny ending up with Sheldon, that would be great. If I had to make a criticism, there are a few consistent spelling mistakes like quite/quiet, but not enough to really matter. Also it seemed like a bit of an asspull [ tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Asspull ] when it turned out that one girl had put bus in all of the XJs. That wasn't too bad though, just minor. I also thought it was great how that one Krust Cousin finally got what was coming to her. The last fight was very well executed also. A lot of tension in it -- wasn't sure if Jenny or the other XJs were going to make it or not. Overall 10/10 from me. I had no idea there was actually a term to describe that. An asspull is a strange but understandable term to describe that. Then again, for Melody to seem as though she could be an effective villain if she wanted to be, this seemed necessary to me. I see now why it stood out to you so much now that I think about it. Those bugs could've turned the tide of the story at any time. Then again, come to think of it, Dr. locus is kind of a screw up, sort of, and knowing how advanced the XJ's are, and also considering that Ms. Wakeman would likely have updated their software security protocols since the first time Dr. Locus infected them, it may not have worked at all. Since the story never went in that direction in the first place, there's really no way to find out. I don't plan on revisiting that detail. I've steadily been improving my story composition since, and I don't think I put any more of those asspull's in there. I don't think. Thanks for the constructive criticism though. And I'm glad you enjoyed the story so much. A 10/10 overall rating is a little more than just flattering. It could easily be more like an ego boost, but I try not to be vain. Oh yeah, and before I forget, the Krust issue is not just them of course. Everybody in the show that picked on her like that made me pretty angry. I wouldn't dare do that to her. I'd be too afraid to if anything. She could easily just turn around and jam her index finger into the side of your skull and kill you just like a bullet could at any time. Are the Krust's stupid or something? I would never take the risk of trying to milk that kind of situation dry (knowing that Jenny is trying to gain popularity and would never hurt somebody) like they did. It's like throwing pebbles at a bear. That thing will likely get angry and eat you, and soon. If Jenny were ever to turn evil, fighting her would be like Krillin trying to fight Frieza. But anyway, I think I'm dragging this on too long. I think the point has been made.
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Post by drewmaster on Feb 14, 2011 8:20:44 GMT -4
45 chapters... Someone has a lot of time on their hands. =S Sort of, but at the time, I was in college and I only had a couple of hours out of the day to work on it at a time. In truth, I was working on Frail Humanity for over a semester's length.
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Post by sirtophat on Feb 14, 2011 16:11:37 GMT -4
Very well made. Spoilers ahead for anyone who hasn't read them. I think I remember this towards Jenny ending up with Sheldon, that would be great. If I had to make a criticism, there are a few consistent spelling mistakes like quite/quiet, but not enough to really matter. Also it seemed like a bit of an asspull [ tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Asspull ] when it turned out that one girl had put bus in all of the XJs. That wasn't too bad though, just minor. I also thought it was great how that one Krust Cousin finally got what was coming to her. The last fight was very well executed also. A lot of tension in it -- wasn't sure if Jenny or the other XJs were going to make it or not. Overall 10/10 from me. I had no idea there was actually a term to describe that. An asspull is a strange but understandable term to describe that. Then again, for Melody to seem as though she could be an effective villain if she wanted to be, this seemed necessary to me. I see now why it stood out to you so much now that I think about it. Those bugs could've turned the tide of the story at any time. Then again, come to think of it, Dr. locus is kind of a screw up, sort of, and knowing how advanced the XJ's are, and also considering that Ms. Wakeman would likely have updated their software security protocols since the first time Dr. Locus infected them, it may not have worked at all. Since the story never went in that direction in the first place, there's really no way to find out. I don't plan on revisiting that detail. I've steadily been improving my story composition since, and I don't think I put any more of those asspull's in there. I don't think. Thanks for the constructive criticism though. And I'm glad you enjoyed the story so much. A 10/10 overall rating is a little more than just flattering. It could easily be more like an ego boost, but I try not to be vain. Oh yeah, and before I forget, the Krust issue is not just them of course. Everybody in the show that picked on her like that made me pretty angry. I wouldn't dare do that to her. I'd be too afraid to if anything. She could easily just turn around and jam her index finger into the side of your skull and kill you just like a bullet could at any time. Are the Krust's stupid or something? I would never take the risk of trying to milk that kind of situation dry (knowing that Jenny is trying to gain popularity and would never hurt somebody) like they did. It's like throwing pebbles at a bear. That thing will likely get angry and eat you, and soon. If Jenny were ever to turn evil, fighting her would be like Krillin trying to fight Frieza. But anyway, I think I'm dragging this on too long. I think the point has been made. Oh, wow, I thought Melody was the purple ghost girl from space. Being that guy's daughter makes it make a lot more sense. I had the wrong mental image of who that was the whole time .-. About the 10/10, I tend to give most things I like a lot 10/10, I guess I overuse it a bit. Asspull isn't what I'd have come up with to describe it either, but TVTropes is pretty good with these things.
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Post by kaseykockroach on Feb 14, 2011 16:52:58 GMT -4
Personally, I'm not a big fan of creating OC's when we already have a big enough cast...
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