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Post by kaseykockroach on Jul 28, 2009 16:36:09 GMT -4
One of many scripts for 7 minute cartoons written for my characters, Slam Wallaby & Kasey Kockroach, the lifelong rivals determined to eliminate the other. A Slam & Kasey Cartoon Take the Cake Starring Slam Wallaby & Kasey Kockroach The cartoon opens as S&K are miserably standing in front of a bakery as it's snowing, as a huge, beautiful cake lies as the front display. The two stare at it in lust, searching through their pockets and finding nothing. The chef/owner of the shop walks out the door, placing a "Out to Lunch" sign on his door and walks off, singing "It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day" to himself. S&K see their chance, and both sneak inside the bakery, oblivious to the fact that they're both going at it at once. They grab opposite sides of the large cake, now noticing they've got competition for the thievery of this lucious cake. Both growling in jealously, Slam socks Kasey in the eye, and whacks him with a mallet so hard, that he falls through the floor. Slam runs off with the cake in hand, only for Kasey to crash/emerge from the floor right in front of him, poking him in the eyes with two fingers, and running off outside with the cake. He runs to the safety of his trash can, but finds it locked. Panicking as Slam marches right up to him with a club, he frantically pulls out a keychain, searching desperately for the key to safety. Finally, he finds the right key, just as he's whacked and the cake stolen away. Kasey furiously chases Slam with a chain mace, smashing his noggin and stealing back the cake. Slam chases after him, but runs right into a metal pole, knocking himself out. Kasey chuckles to himself, only to fall right down a manhole, plummeting into the sewer below, knocking himself out as well as losing the cake in the sewer water. The crash gets the attention of a poor, starving, weak rat, looking like he's truly desperate for any form of food. He spots the dirty cake, and squeals in delight as he grabs it and drags it off. Just then, Kasey awakes, and angrily spots the tiny thief. He's just about to chase after it, but Slam jumps down the manhole, slipping and falling on Kasey, knocking him out once more, giving Slam the chance to chase the rat. He grabs the cake, along with the rat as he's clutching it, and stuffs it down his throat. Kasey, now awakened, punches Slam in the stomach with a boxing glove so hard, he coughs the cake up intact as well as the rat. Both tackle each other furiously to the ground, pummeling each other. The rat sees this as his chance, and sneaks off with the cake as the two are distracted. Eventually too bruised and weary to fight, they both now see the cake getting away, and frantically chase after it, as the chase continues in the sewer line. The rat sees them, and knows he can't outrun them. So, he tears off a slice of cake for himself, and crawls into a pipe, managing to squeeze the cake inside with him. As Slam follows the trail of the pipe, Kasey pulls out a rocket launcher, stuffing it inside the pipe as he prepares to shoot the rat out. Meanwhile, Slam finds the end of the pipe, and snickers as he sticks his mouth in it, knowing he can trick the rat into running the cake right into his piehole. Slam sticks his mouth on the pipe, as Kasey sticks the rocket launcher at the other end... A drum roll is heard... The music suddenly gets dramatic, as the mouse finds another escape, shrieking as he realizes what's about to happen, and hides, covering his eyes... Aaaand... KAAAAAABOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!! A rocket fires and explodes in Slam's mouth, as he manages to put his mouth out with the dirty water around him. Furious, he grabs a spiky mallet, whalloping Kasey repeatedly, as Kasey strikes back, using his rocket launcher as his club. They beat each other mercillessly, until they remember the cake, as the rat is again scurrying off and getting away with the cake, as he climbs back up the ladder and onto the streets with it. S&K hurriedly climb up the ladder, chasing after the rat, dodging trucks and cars and parades as they chase the cake through the snowy streets. S&K pull out shotguns, blasting at the cake-wielding rodent, destroying everything but it. The streets are set on fire, cars are destroyed, people are scared away, as S&K furiously pursue the now filthy cake. Finally, the two climb after the rat up a building, and corner him at the edge. The rat threatens to drop it down the skyscraper if they come too close. Seeing they're bowing down to him as the cake is threatened, the rat (though doesn't speak, he squeaks in certain tones where you can get an idea what he's saying) proposes they share the cake. Reluctantly, S&K agree, as they climb down the now wrecked building and onto the destroyed city. Just as about they're about to split it, the chef/owner of the bakery now returns! Of course, he is furious at these three thieves, swiping the cake away, screaming at them in Italian, as he chases them away from his property, hurling other cakes at them as he continues to chase them until he's worn out. S&K and the rat sulk at first, having lost the single reasont they were fighting. But, they realize they have cake all over them from the guy chasing them. So, the cartoon closes as they lick the icing off of themselves, satisfied with that. The End. A Slam & Kasey Cartoon.
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Post by Power9x on Jul 28, 2009 17:57:08 GMT -4
Ok, no offense, but this needs to be writen in story format. It just comes off as a jumbled mess otherwise. Though, it's interesting to see someone attempt Looney Toons style humor in written format.
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Post by kaseykockroach on Jul 28, 2009 18:00:46 GMT -4
I understand, this was written in script form for a friend of mine who requested it that way. This was just copied and pasted here, just to see what other people thought.
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Post by kaseykockroach on Aug 4, 2009 11:40:55 GMT -4
Another one. I figured to just post it here than make another thread. A Slam & Kasey Cartoon Poopdeck Pirates Story & Direction... S. Murray Starring Slam Wallaby & Kasey Kockroach The cartoon opens as Captain Slamson patrols the Spanish Maine on his pirate ship. Slam(singing merrily): Fifteen women and a hot man's trousers, yo ho ho and a bottle of booze! Fifteen women and a hot man's trousers, yo ho ho and a bottle of booze! Eventually, Slam comes across another ship. He excitedly rams it head on. Slam: Ship ahoooy!! The ship's crew turn their heads, shrieking in terror at the very sight. Sailor:Eeek! Heavens to babes and beer, IT'S SLAM THE PIRATE! Sailor 2: CAPTAIN SLAMSON!! HEEELP! Crew as they leap off ship in terror: ABANDON SHIP! IT'S CAPTAIN SLAMSON!!! As the crew dissapears into the water, the captain appears, displeased at his missing crew. He finds who scared his crew off, and grins. Kaptain Kasey: Ahoy dere, Slammie! How are t'ings? Slam: Silence, my nemesis! I insist that you surrender and die! I have you outnumbered and outmatched, my brains and intellect against your.....roachness. Kasey: Uh-huh. Surrender? Never hoid of de woid. So, YER JUST GONNA HAVE TO TAKE DE SHIP YOU SACK OF SH- KABOOOOOM! Slam fires a cannon in Kasey's face. Kasey:...oe leather.....You'll pay for dat! And so, the two begin firing their cannons at each other's ships. As Slam lights a fuse to one of his cannons, Kasey suddenly fires a giant cork, plugging the cannon. Slam frustratedly runs to the front, yanking out the cork... KABOOOM!!! And gets blown in the face with the cannon. As Slam loads another cannon, Kasey sneaks to his ship. Just as Slam finishes loading, Kasey lights the fuse at the other end, just as it blows Slam in the face before he can react to the ambush. As Kasey swims back to his ship to load his own cannons, Slam attempts to pull the same trick. Kasey loads his cannon, as Slam lights the fuse at the other end, snickering...Only to blown by a cannon set right behind him. KABOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!! Later, Slam climbs to the very top of his ship, holding a swinging rope. Slam: Brace your inferior self, Mr Kockroach! For I am to board your ship! CHAAARGE!! Slam swings to Kasey's ship, and lands... In a cannon. Slam: EEK! RETRE- KABOOOOOM!!!! Next, Slam attaches a stick of dynamite to a paper airplane, as he throws it to Kasey's ship. Kasey casually brings out a fan, which simply blows the plane back to Slam. Slam: Son of a Macfarclane... KABOOOOM!!! Slam furiously swims to Kasey's ship, chasing him as Kasey flees to the top. Slam: Aha! I have you cornered, you incompetent insect! Kasey leaps off his ship, into the water in safety. Slam: Hmph, I assure you that you cannot escape from me! For I'm coming in after you! Slam leaps off his ship... And lands, groin-first, on a large, jagged rock in the ocean. Slam pulls himself back onto his ship, where he sees Kasey waiting for him. Slam: There you are! Now, I shall make you pay- Kasey lights a match, throwing it in the gunpowder room. Slam: OH, GOODNESS GRACIOUS!!!! Slam frantically grabs the match Slam: You psychotic imbecile, just what are desiring to accomplish, blowing this ship to smithereens?! Kasey grins, throwing another match in the gunpowder room. Slam: NOOOO! Slam grabs that match as well. Slam: That does it! If you do that once more, I utterly refuse to go after it! Kasey throws the whole box of matches inside, as he casually swims back to his ship. Slam does his best to hold back, sweating, shivering.... Slam: OH, NO- KABOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Slam is blown all the way to Kasey's ship, as Kasey is laughing his arse off. Slam: Laugh all you wish, Mr Kockroach! For I shall have the last laugh! Observe! Slam pulls out a match, throwing it in Kasey's gunpowder room. Slam: Alright, go get it! Kasey:......Nah. Slam: W-why not? Kasey: I don't feel like it. Slam: B-BUT YOUR SHIP WILL BE B-BLOWN TO SMITHEREENEES!!!! Kasey: Alrighty den. Slam:....I BEG OF YOU, MR KOCKROACH!! GO GET IT BEFORE IT BLOWS UP!!! Kasey: Nope. Slam: Nooooo! Slam leaps into the water, swimming away, never to be seen again. Kasey: Sheesh, what's up his rump? Kasey opens the powder door....And it's make-up powder. Kasey: hehe, what a dope. Doesn't he know that that stuff doesn't ex- KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kasey lies, bruised and crushed by the pieces of his sinking ship, as sharks cheerfully watch. Kasey: I hate bein wrong. The End. A Slam & Kasey Cartoon.
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Post by kaseykockroach on Feb 1, 2011 17:01:26 GMT -4
It is a late Spring afternoon in 1954. Serene quietness envelops the suburban neighbourhood which is inhabited by our duelling heroes. Outside the window of their house, a robin sleeps peacefully on the flowering branches of a cherry-blossom tree. There is rest and relaxation everywhere. Suddenly, the robin opens his eyes and his features are transformed into a puckish grin. He blows a great big bubble out of raspberry bubble-gum which grows bigger and bigger until it explodes all over his face. His beak and feathers stuck together with massive quantities of gooey, lavender-pink bubble-gum, the robin distorts his sticky face this way and that, puffing his cheeks and making a series of muffled gurgles and groans. Further along the branch, an obese caterpillar with a monobrow and a little white sailor hat on his head boorishly guffaws at the bird's misfortune: 'Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk! Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk! Hyuk, hyuk... BANG!!!' The stillness, already broken by the caterpillar’s stentorian laughter, is further interrupted by a gunshot. The caterpillar’s fat body has been reduced to a slimy green puddle of bubbling goo by the bullet which has just been fired at it. Afloat on the goo is the catterpillar's sailor hat, and, as the catterpillar's monobrow flaps around it like a sea-gull, the 'Last Post' bugle call is heard. The camera cuts to the window of Slam and Kasey's house, where Slam is standing with a rifle in his hand and an expression of profound annoyance on his face. 'How deucedly uncivil of him', he says, 'to go spoiling my relaxation like that'. The issue having been thus settled, Slam eases himself into the sofa and contentedly regards his monochrome television set, cup of tea in hand. The picture on the T.V. set shows a lion and a unicorn, pouring tea from a florally decorated teapot into filigree chinaware cups and then sipping it, back to back, while the tune of 'Rule Britannia' is played in the background. A close-up of the unicorn's horn reveals fleas dressed as City of London bankers sliding down the concentric ridges of the horn like if it were a helter-skelter, doffing their bowler hats when they pass one another, and saying: 'Hullo, Cyril!' 'Morning, Percival!' 'How d'you do, Reginald, old boy!'. Slam is just on the point of reverting to his former state of tranquillity and happiness, when he is surprised by a diabolical racket. Kasey is wearing a pair of heated irons on his feet like ice-skates, and tearing around the house, discordantly scatting to the melody of Waldteufel's 'Skater's Waltz'. He executes a figure-eight on the living room carpet, raises his left foot up and lights his cigar on the underside of the iron, then carelessly flattens Slam's tail as he glides to the other side of the room. Yelping in pain, Slam leaps so high into the air that his head collides with the ceiling, and then the tea-cup breaks over his head, with the ring-shaped handle landing, and then settling, around his over-sized nose. Slam holds his tail in his hand, and we see that it has been burned into a string of wieners after contact with the iron. By now, he is so infuriated that he looks like a snarling Chinese dragon. Kasey plants himself in front of the window, and is just about to skate to the other end of the room, when he sees a beautiful teenage girl with a long, strawberry-blond 50's ponytail and a generously-shaped bosom strutting on the sidewalk outside. Kasey wolf-whistles, and his tongue flops out of his head. Each of his antennae morphs into the RKO radio tower which is seen emitting a series of radio signals at the beginning of RKO-produced films. Kasey's heart struggles to tear itself out from underneath his chest and is about to launch itself in the direction of the sky, when the irons on his feet burn through the floorboards of the living room and Kasey tumbles into the basement underneath his house, landing in an open barrel of sunflower oil. For a while, Kasey bobs up and down in the sunflower oil, dreamy-eyed, drooling and demented, repeating: 'Wotta dame! Wotta lollapalooza! Wotta woman!' when the irons on his feet cause the oil to heat up and boil and Kasey leaps out of the barrel, through the hole in the floorboards, hopping up and down the living-room and fanning his smouldering rear. He accidentally stamps on Slam's foot, once again burning him, and Slam hurtles Kasey a few feet up into the air and then, using his tail like a baseball bat, he smacks into the cockroach’s ass, sending him flying out of the house, through the window of the garden shed, and into a large sack of corn, with a resounding ‘Thwack!!’. There is a loud series of pops as popcorn comes rushing out of the sack and scattering all over the floor of the shed. Finally, there is a single terrific ‘bang!’, the sack is torn into shreds, and a giant piece of shrivelled brown popcorn with long antennae tumbles onto the floor – it’s Kasey! Resuming his original shape, Kasey angrily takes the troublesome irons off his feet and dumps them onto the grass, where they sink a couple of inches into the soil with a cloud of steam. He then plugs the radio on in the garden shed and settles down into a deck-chair, very miffed indeed. A smoothly-sounding man with a deep South-American accent spills his voice into the shed: ‘The eyes, they are beautiful things. They are precious, multi-coloured marbles. They are like little balls of coconut Jell-o’. Despite his bitter mood, Kasey leans closer to the radio in order to listen to what the man is saying. Slam, meanwhile, is removing a screw from the oven with a kitchen mitt. He fixes the heated screw to a catapult and launches it through the broken window of the garden shed so that it burns through the back of Kasey’s skull. Kasey clamps his one big tooth in pain, and the red-hot screw bores a hole through the tooth’s enamel with a mechanical whirr and comes out through the other side of his head. ‘Hey, Slammie!’ Kasey yells to his antagonist, ‘you’re wanted on de telly-phone! It’s a dame!’ ‘A dame?’ shouts Slam Wallaby in surprise, ‘Ooh, I say, how awfully exciting!’ He runs across to the shed, and Kasey hands him one of the swelteringly hot irons that he left lying on the grass. ‘He-ello’, says Slam, and is about to press the iron against his ear, when Kasey says, ‘don’t forget the mouthpiece’, and then hands him the other iron, too. Slam presses both irons against his face at once, one on his left ear, and one on his mouth, and the ear-drum of his right ear (an actual drum) pops out of the inner ear in response to the heat and plays the Samba. Kasey then shuts himself inside the garden shed, knocking Slam unconscious by slamming the door of the shed into him. He goes back to concentrating on what the man on the radio is saying. ‘The eyyeesss…’, says the man, ‘they are the windows of the soul’. Kasey’s eyes morph into windows and open up, and we see a Dover sole swimming around behind the window panes. ‘When you see that a beautiful lady has contact lenses in her eyes, it is like looking at the eye through the bars of a prison. Your loving gaze bounces against the plastic of the contact lens and fails to penetrate into her retina; your amorous glance is released into the atmosphere and is lost for ever. We must ask the lady to unveil her eye; we must ask her to set it free’. Kasey falls into a daydream and imagines an eye dressed in a bra and corset slowly doing the strip-tease. His dream bubble is broken by the voices of two teenage girls, speaking in a Brooklyn accent. The strawberry-blond whom he saw outside the window is talking to her girl-friend: ‘Be right with you, Shirl, just as soon as I get this speck of dust out of my contact lens’. As the girls leave the garden-shed behind them, Kasey cries out: ‘A-ha!!’, and, as another dream bubble appears over his head, he imagines the strawberry-blond girl with two tiny doves in her face in place of where her eyes should be, and two little bird-cages dropping away from her face. Kasey transforms his facial-features into a wide grin, and we see a little spark of electricity between his two antennae, like the spark between the filaments of a light-bulb. His smile grows wider and wider, until cracks appear in his face, and cause it to shatter into pieces. Kasey gathers the broken pieces of his face into his hands and rushes out of the shed in pursuit of the strawberry blond. He finds her standing next to a traffic-light, casually twirling her pony-tail and licking a giant lollipop. Kasey shuffles up to her and, inhaling on his cigar, expels heart-shaped smoke. The girl ignores him. Kasey gulps, wrings his hands, wrings his antennae, and then asks in a quiet voice: ‘Ah… erm… s’cuse me, toots, but could I see you without your contact lenses in please?’ The girl coolly takes a can of insecticide out of her hand-bag and sprays it liberally over Kasey, who chokes and splutters like hell before turning a bright, flashing green. She then strikes Kasey with her fist and sends him crash-landing into the traffic light, where he glows a fluorescent green in alternation with the red traffic light above him. Making her way across the pedestrian crossing, the girl goes back to casually licking her lollipop. The screen fades into Kasey sitting cross-legged in the garden shed, covered in bandages, reading a big book on hypnosis by ‘I. Stare’. He peruses the text carefully over and over again and then clicks his fingers to signify that he has finally gotten the hang of what he’s reading. He steps outside the shed and right into Slam, who has recovered consciousness and is brandishing a massive sledge-hammer over Kasey’s head. As Slam swings the sledge-hammer in swooping circles, Kasey stares into the wallaby’s eyes and whispers, in a mystical tone of voice: ‘You are very sleeeepy… sleeeepy… when you wake up, you are going to be a jack-in-the-box’. Slam responds immediately to Kasey’s hypnotic stare, falling asleep on the spot, the sledge-hammer quivering in his outstretched arms like a trifle. As soon as he exits through the garden gate, Kasey claps his hands, and Slam wallops himself over the head with the sledge-hammer, flattening himself to the thickness of a pizza. He then bounces back up, with his body in multiple folds like an accordion, and his head bobbing up and down with a stupid expression – just like a jack-in-the-box. Kasey finds the girl sitting in the park with a picnic basket and a portable radio, listening to the song that was all the rage back in 1954: ‘Mr. Sandman’, and holding a loaf of white bread in her hand which she is about to slice. Kasey creeps into her picnic basket, while she puts the loaf of bread to one side and reaches into the basket for some jam. As she lifts the basket-lid, she sees a pair of green eyes from within which instantaneously hypnotise her: ‘You are feeling very sleeeepy… sleeeepy… when you wake up, you will please remove your contact lenses’. The girl slowly shuts her eyelids and leans back on the picnic rug, while the voice on the radio sings: ‘Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream, bung, bung, bung, bung’, and, with the last ‘bung’, she rests her strawberry-blond head on the loaf of bread as if it were a pillow; sound asleep. A jubilant Kasey looks at the radio, sprinkles some sand on the girl, turns the radio off, and then gleefully rubs his hands together before clapping them. The girl’s eyes pop open but, to Kasey’s great disappointment, nothing else happens. After scratching his head in thought for a while Kasey takes a bread-stick out of the picnic basket and waves it over one of the girl’s eyeballs like a magic wand. He directs the bread-stick up, upppp, and, to his amazement, the contact lens begins to peel itself off the eye! Kasey smoothes his antennae over the back of his head so that he looks like Leopold Stokowski, and then swerves the bread-stick around in his hand like if it were no longer a magic wand but a baton. The contact lens morphs into a graceful ballerina which pirouettes on the surface on the eyeball, always keeping one little part of herself, be it a ballet shoe or the fold of her tutu, on the eye, and hence never leaving it naked as Kasey would wish. Kasey raises the bread-stick higher, and the contact lens morphs into a rocket, all set to leave the eyeball and fly into ‘orbit’. His tongue hanging out of his mouth, Kasey raises the bread-stick even higher and higher, while the ‘rocket’ gathers more and more energy to launch itself, and it is just about to propel itself off the surface of the eyeball when – CLASH!! A large pair of cymbals is brought together with such force that the contact lens splashes into position on the girl’s eye and solidifies there, and the girl wakes up, dazed and utterly bemused. Kasey looks behind him and sees Slam with a pair of cymbals in his hands and the mother of all malevolent grins on his face. Infuriated, Kasey snatches the cymbals from his adversary and brings them crashing together on either side of his skull, so that Slam’s head is as flat as a pancake. He then fishes a bottle of maple syrup out of the picnic basket and squeezes its contents over Slam’s flattened face to form the neatly hand-written words ‘Chump’ in maple syrup. Slam unflattens his sticky face and leaps up to chase Kasey, and, as he does so, the girl regains her wits and chases after both of them. Kasey runs all the way to the house and, stopping in the garden, he picks up one of the irons (which are still hot) and hurls it at Slam. Slam turns around to flee and bumps straight into the girl, his arms accidentally going around her buttocks. As the iron thrown by Kasey embeds itself in Slam’s own rear, he howls in pain and gives the girl’s bum a mammoth squeeze. Shocked beyond all description, the girl turns her fury on Slam and chases him over hill and dale, clobbering him over the head all the while with her handbag. Kasey watches the two of them disappear over the horizon with relieved satisfaction on his face, and then the camera scrolls to the right to reveal the ghost of the fat caterpillar (gunned down by Slam) sitting on the gate-post by Kasey’s elbow and looking in the same direction as him at the fleeing figure of Slam and going, louder than ever: ‘Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk! Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk!’. By now, Kasey is no longer visible in the frame; the camera is zoomed in on the caterpillar who stops laughing, turns to look at the audience and brings a pair of contact lenses out from behind his back (the girl’s!), which he clashes together like cymbals. He then winks lewdly at the audience and the iris closes in around him. THE END
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