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Post by Jessie Winkler on Feb 7, 2011 21:35:13 GMT -4
Ha, yeah. I think I'm going crazy. XD This boy in my math class came up to me last week (as opposed to the other way around, which is what usually happens). Turns out we have a lot of the same interests - he likes video games, music, and he's even majoring in musical theater like I am! And I got his Facebook. Plus he's pretty cute too, hee hee! ;D So I really want to get to know him a bit more and spend some time with him, but I REALLY would like to not get caught in the friend-trap like last time. (Basically that means I become the best friend instead of the girlfriend, but I'm pretty sure most of you know that. ) I mean, should I play hard to get? I really don't know. I REALLY want to start off on the right foot here, so I'd love some advice!
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Post by kaseykockroach on Feb 8, 2011 14:46:30 GMT -4
Don't think about it too much or else you'll just stress the more you do, just spend a lot of time with him and see what happens. As cheesy as this aesop is, don't be hard-to-get, just be yourself. And wear lots of revealing clothing when hanging out with h-SHOT-
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Zero
Prime
All things are possible...
Posts: 3,921
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Post by Zero on Feb 8, 2011 19:29:05 GMT -4
Don't be tempted to play games. It may backfire... horribly.
You've really grown haven't you? How fast the years go.
There are some questions you have to ask yourself: 1. What do I want in this relation? What do I expect? 2. Do I see myself with this person for years to come? 3. What am I willing to endure?
Sometimes you just gotta take a leap. Be honest with your feelings, and be VERY straight forward. Ask him why he approached you. Is he looking for a girlfriend? It's scary, I know. I told Jenny I liked her via text. It took me 5 minutes to press the send button. When I did, I felt like I was gonna have a nosebleed.
I let her know right away that I intended to date her. That week we learned everything about each other, both good and bad. We had to be brutally honest with each other. I was afraid some of the things I've done would drive her away. She had some doosies herself. In the end, we felt we could give it a try.
Clear the air immediately Jessie. Don't let the smoke of uncertainty suffocate you. If he accepts, then we'll have much more to talk about. If not, we'll pick you back up.
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Fizz
Adjusting to the neighborhood
Posts: 144
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Post by Fizz on Feb 26, 2011 6:47:30 GMT -4
Don't wear suggestive clothing - Although suggestive clothing will definitely get his attention - don't do it! By wearing suggestive clothing, he will immediately label you as the type of girl who is just temporary - and not the kind of girl meant for a meaningful relationship!
As for playing hard to get - your feelings will probably make you want to stay on the safe side. If you play too hard to get, you might end up ignoring him, and if you do that, then you are giving him no hope in getting together with you.
Hard to get here means keeping the air of mystery alive. It doesn't mean you can't hug him or kiss him on the cheek (by all means PLEASE DO when you guys are about to go your separate ways), just make sure you don't chase him after you do that - after all being a tease is what reels guys in and gives them hope.
If he likes you a lot, he will wonder why you aren't running after him. He'll see that you are different. And once he knows that, he'll see potential for a good relationship. : )
I speak for mature men though - if you find out the guy is immature (with the biggest sign as him being unsure of himself), then your better off waiting for someone better. : )
Also, if there is a trait or something that he adores about you, then you won't have to worry about being in the friend zone. It may look like that in the beginning because he could be shy.
Watch "Just Go With It" when it hits the screens. A GOOD relationship is based on friendship and closeness.
For now, I would suggest getting to know him first, and find out if he is sure of himself. Make sure you know what you want in a guy too, because you might end up falling for him, only to later find out that he has a negative trait you cannot tolerate.
It's happened to me before and it stinks!
So, all in all - don't wear suggestive clothing, be a tease, don't worry about being in the friend zone, and most importantly BE OPTIMISTIC! : D
Optimism is the key that'll help you get him - but if you don't then don't let it get to you. There are tons of fish in the sea, and life means more than relationships : )
I hope that helped.
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Post by Jessie Winkler on Mar 15, 2011 0:15:26 GMT -4
Tomorrow I have my first class with him in over a week (it was spring break), so I checked his facebook to see what he was up to.
Turns out a couple of days ago he changed his profile from "interested in women" to "interested in men". Considering he actually CHANGED it and didn't just accidentally add that to his profile, I'm pretty sure he's gay.
Yeah... I can never figure out these kind of things. Guess I was way off. XD
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Post by Jessie Winkler on Apr 1, 2011 18:57:22 GMT -4
Okay, now I'm seriously confused out of my mind. There's this girl he's pretty close to (I'm sure they're just friends though; I'm like that with a lot of my guy friends) that I sat next to in class today. The guy wasn't there, so I asked her if she knew where he was. She asked me if I liked him, and I said no (not sure why, I guess I felt it was safer than saying yes ). I said "isn't he gay anyway?" and she replied no. I told her about the facebook thing, and she said he was joking around. Today he changed his profile back to "interested in women". What the heck's going on?!? Was it a joke? Is he conflicted? Cause if he is I don't want to make it worse! Did he just change it for April Fool's day (cause honestly, that could be a possibility)? Help me!
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Post by swoop on Apr 9, 2011 22:55:37 GMT -4
Puzzle good question. if he is unsure of his sex life it is best not to ask right away. It could have been a mistake or someone messing with his account. If it is he may either unisexual. Is that an option in face book?
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Post by Jessie Winkler on May 4, 2011 2:37:19 GMT -4
Bisexual is an option; you can list yourself as "interested in men and women". I'm almost certain after what's happened in the last week or so that he listed it as a joke though. I asked the girl from my previous post why she asked if I liked him, and she said she could just tell from the way I look at him and stuff - it's a girl thing (which is strange, cause I can never pick up on those kinds of things XD). She asked again if I liked him, and I was honest this time and told her yes. She said it's cute and told me she would help me out by "investigating". When I asked she said she doesn't like him like that and told me "He's all yours". Today I got an invite from him for an application called Truth Quiz, where people answer questions about you. One of the questions from the boy was "Would you hook up with Jessie Winkler?" (except it actually used my real name XD) and he said "Yes"! What should I do? I don't think it's a joke. Should I go for it, or wait for him to say something?
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Zero
Prime
All things are possible...
Posts: 3,921
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Post by Zero on May 8, 2011 23:43:15 GMT -4
Take the leap. You can do it Jessie!
You've become an intelligent young woman, and I believe you can figure out what to do.
Take a good look at what you want, and follow your heart.
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Post by Jessie Winkler on May 9, 2011 0:36:48 GMT -4
Oh boy. I still am not sure how to do this. Should I ask him if he wants to hang outside sometime, or should I just flat out tell him that I like him? I want him to get the message, but I don't want to scare him/look desperate/other things. I'm so confused!
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Zero
Prime
All things are possible...
Posts: 3,921
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Post by Zero on May 13, 2011 23:11:47 GMT -4
The heart is strong and can pull you in many directions. It's hard to see clearly which way you want to go. That is the nature of emotions. They can run you ragged. But when emotion is balanced with reality and directed by wisdom, the path to happiness lights the way for you.
Jessie, what do you want in your future?
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Post by Jessie Winkler on May 15, 2011 16:46:46 GMT -4
Am I considering marriage? No; it's much too early for that. Both of us are still in college, and are trying to figure out where we're going. The thing is, I just feel this pull towards him. That's only happened one other time, back in high school, and we all know how that turned out. But for some reason, it feels stronger. Maybe it's because he talked to me first? But I don't know. Maybe I'm just going crazy. We both have a lot of the same passions (theater, video games, general nerddom), and we both just happen to be considering the same college to transfer to. I just have this feeling that we crossed paths for a reason. I feel like this is too good to be true. A cute guy, a bit nerdy and not afraid to show it, but looks and acts normal, an overall good person (I've never been into bad boys myself)... that's who I've always thought of as a great boyfriend. I... I feel like I should go for it. But I'm scared. I've never been in a relationship before. But I want to be. I want this. I just don't know if he does too. I feel like once I go for it, if he says no, I won't have a second chance. The girl that's helping me asked him if he liked anybody, and he told her he did but said girl has a boyfriend. He has been in a previous relationship before, so I'm not sure if it's the same girl. Do you think he was just saying yes to be nice? I mean, not a lot of people do that... he's the only person that has, and like I said before it didn't seem like a joke. Maybe he's lying about who he likes, like I was at first? That could be possible, right? I'm going to try to go see the opening night of his show next month. He's in the ensemble, but I hope he has a solo since I really want to hear his voice. (Cheesy, I know. XD) Should I say something then? If so, then what? Thanks again for helping me guys. Especially Zero, since you've gone through this before and (from a male's standpoint, anyway) know what it's like. I'm seriously taking your advice to heart. Thank you so much.
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Zero
Prime
All things are possible...
Posts: 3,921
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Post by Zero on May 15, 2011 23:07:05 GMT -4
You want a relationship, but feel you're not ready for the commitment of marriage? From what I know, dating is what you do when you are searching for a marriage mate. On the other hand, dating for the fun of it with no intention of searching for a marriage mate is recreational dating.
Look into your heart again, and ask yourself why you want this so badly.
Are all of your friends dating? Do you not want to feel left out? Are you lonely Jessie?
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Post by Damion / Xerox on May 15, 2011 23:25:24 GMT -4
You want a relationship, but feel you're not ready for the commitment of marriage? From what I know, dating is what you do when you are searching for a marriage mate. On the other hand, dating for the fun of it with no intention of searching for a marriage mate is recreational dating. Look into your heart again, and ask yourself why you want this so badly. Are all of your friends dating? Do you not want to feel left out? Are you lonely Jessie? Perhaps she simply wants to be in a relationship with someone that might love her. Can't it be as simple as that? She did say she felt it was too early for marriage. I say if you really feel for this guy, if you REALLY want to be with him, Jessie, you go for it and see how it works out.
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Zero
Prime
All things are possible...
Posts: 3,921
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Post by Zero on May 15, 2011 23:40:29 GMT -4
Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to discourage her. I'm trying to help her along her way. The questions I ask her don't have wrong answers. They depend entirely on what may work for her.
We believe in you Jessie.
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